I like that the text was able to both discuss the effect of a lack of emotional maturity of parents on their grown children as well as discussing emotional maturity in general. Being with emotionally immature parents can be difficult and endlessly disappointing, but being separated can feel like something is missing, too. They can also feel guilty for being unhappy, have a hard time trusting their instincts, and lack self-confidence. That said, the whole point of this book is to help YOU heal and to wean you off trying to engage, win over or heal your parents.

The child imagines what would make them feel better and often think they need to change themselves to do it. Therefore, you likely cannot change emotionally immature parents, but they can change themselves, if they want to.Focus on the Outcome - you should move away from expecting emotional connection and feedback, and instead figure out a specific goal for yourself. Emotional parents - are consumed by their own feelings and swing between overinvolvement and withdrawal. Emotional parents are run by their feelings swinging between over-involvement and abrupt withdrawal. The intricate tapestry of your family dynamics will have an immense influence over how you developed as a child. As a child, your emotional needs were not met, your feelings were dismissed, and you likely took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior.

Externalizers think reality should conform to their wishes…At the extreme end are predatory, sociopathic people.Some will use their children as a confident, but they will not provide that support back to their child. Deciding whether to cut off emotionally immature parents should prioritize personal well-being and mental health, particularly in severe situations.

They are often left to fend for themselves because such parent ignores harm from the other abusive parent or family member. Their biggest relationship downfall: being attracted to impulsive people and being overly dependent on others for support and stability. However, the tone is a bit demeaning to Externalizers who, to be fair, are harder to sympathize with with their "everyone else is to blame attitude" and the acting out when they are emotionally disregulated. Recognize when you are feeling needy, angry, or vulnerable, and try to take steps to "detach, detach, detach.

Emotionally immature parents often struggle to identify and understand their own emotions, making it challenging for them to adequately respond to their children’s emotional needs. They also believe they can solve all of their problems by being more thoughtful, more careful, more successful, and more self-reliant. Practicing observing helps you become stronger and more confident in your ability to see what’s going on. There are generally four types of immature parents which you can read more in-depth about in the book.

the people we find most charismatic are subconsciously triggering us to fall back into old, negative family patterns. Even if you have beliefs that fit in both styles based on your personality you’ll have adopted one style over the other. Eggshell mothers and fathers’ sensitivities and emotional issues lead to an unstable and tense emotional atmosphere. Anger expresses our individuality, the emotion emotionally immature parents are most likely to punish.

Parentification: The child becomes more emotionally mature than the parent feeling like they have to care for the parents instead of the other way around. The soothing effect is amplified by Gibson's caring, knowledgeable voice--it's easy to believe her when she says, 'I wish the very best for you.